Why hello! Where in the world have I been. I haven't been writing here in ages... AGES! Not good at all. But dontcha worry cause I am back.
Lord Jesus, you are so good. Perfect and holy. You always listen to our prayers and always answer them in your own time. And your time is truly perfect. Thank you thank you thank you that you helped me pass the NCLEX. You are the reason I have my nursing License now. There is no other reason. You were the source of my strength to keep studying hard, you were the source of my minimal anxiety over the exam. You are the source of my passing. Praise the Lord! For you are good, your love endures forever.
I still cannot believe it. I passed the NCLEX. My life is on the path I have been working for. I have to keep on reminding myself daily that I have passed the exam since I sometimes get this wave of nervousness. And praise God that I got to spend time with my wonderful family in England. It was so amazing. I love seeing my grandarents, cousins, aunt and uncle. I loved waking up to the smell of tea and eating croissants and yogurt and weetabix with my grandparents. They spoiled me the whole week. The meals they cooked were amazing. I loved sleeping with Mimi and spending so much time with her. She is definitely growing up, but she is still the funny, fun, cute, sweet, silly, innocent Mimi. I love all of them so much, and that week after passing the the exam was the best way to spend it. I am so blessed to be able to do that.
And now I am of course still blessed everyday. I don't have to be without my husband for very long. God showed me what I was supposed to do. I needed to be with my husband. It wasn't worth being miserable at home every day without him. My first ministry is to him. I was very much torn on whether I should stay in G-rap for a month while mitch gets trained in Pittsburg since the Lord laid these three wonderful young life high schooler's at my feet to serve and to love. I thought maybe my depressing feelings and heartache of being apart from Mitch was just me being emotional, and if I gave into them then I just wasn't listening to God. I wanted so badly to listen to God. But then through prayer and the wisdom of others, I realized that God does not have any boundaries. It is never black and white, this or that with the Lord. As long as I am obedient to Him, He can use me in many more ways than one. I could be with my husband as well as serve the young life girls. I can be constantly in prayer for the girls, and continue communication with them. The Lord is good. And now He has shown me more reasons why I have not gotten any interviews for jobs yet. It is to be with Mitchell AND to spend my excess amount of time being with Him and serving others.
Yesterday i realized that I was spending the majority of my excess amount of time on that are worthless when compared to the peace and love experienced with God (such as TV, books, crafts, walks, shopping.) Although I have been spending a little time with God in the morning (in the Word and devotionals) as well as prayer throughout the day, how much more time I could be spending with God Almighty. God has given me this time, all day, everyday until I get a job to grow in Him. Isn't this what we always wish for? We always say to ourselves if only we had more time, we would definitely use it to become closer to God. Yet, in my case, this time has been laid before me, and what do I do with it? Find everything, but the Lord to keep me busy. Ironic. Human.
I want to change that. James says that it is a sin to know what you should be doing and to not do it. I don't want to keep falling into that sin. I know what I am supposed to be doing with my time now.
Here are somethings that came to mind last night when the Lord was convicting about these previously discussed things.
I do what I hate and I hate what I do, yet coming back to you is so difficult.
How can that be?
Your promises are beyond human measure,
Your words are like soft silk protecting me from the cold,
your love is supernatural,
serene,
peaceful,
true,
complete...
and you make me complete.
Why Lord is walking one mile back to you harder in my mind than walking 30 miles away from you?
How can I forget that you carry me to your peaceful sanctuary every step of the way?
I attempt to jump out of your strong arms, I become my own God.
But where does that get me?
I want to be done with this
Done with depending on you only when I think I need you,
I want to lean on you every day,
every hour,
every minute,
every second.
For it is true.
I am seriously broken and helpless without you.
You bring meaning to my life Lord Jesus.
You turn my stained,
rusted,
broken,
shameful
mind, body and soul into the whitest snow.
You never judge anyone on appearances nor achievements.
You look into each one of our eyes and smile with delight.
For you see Jesus and not our brokenness.
We are so truly precious to you.
We are your prized possession.
Though your sheep are many Lord Jesus,
You always make sure to search and find those that are lost and gone astray.
You gently bring them home.
You accept us and cherish us
No matter where we have been,
No matter who we are,
No matter how much we have envied others,
No matter how much hate we have bottled up,
No matter, No matter, No matter what.
God, bring me to your sanctuary again.
Gods words are beautiful. Everything that came to my mind last night was from Gods word. His promises, His love. So amazing.
